Are we in control of our lives?

Often times thoughts plague my mind... of all sorts, mostly my life and where its heading ...or not knowing where its heading for that matter.  There have been a few times in my life where I felt...yes I'm in control but then after careful analysis I think, "Were you really in control?" and while being in control feels good, I'm reminded of the scripture that says, "Man makes his plans but the Lord orders his steps"... which suffice it to say makes me feel a lot less in control than I had originally thought.

One thing is for certain I'm torn with regard to that scripture... I like to think that God blessed me with this life to subdue it, have dominion over the earth and to multiply but to also triple and quadruple the talents which he gave me. I dislike the idea of having to sit and wait around, most times in anxiety for God to order my steps.

Now I'm not saying that God shouldn't guide my steps, I'm saying pray for what you want, believe it has and will be given to you but get up and go do the work!

God cannot guide your every step... In fact, I don't think it would be fair to Him who has to be all things to the 7.124 billion world population.

I'm ranting again... I know. Someone told me once, its not enough to read the Bible day in and day out... You've got to put it down and do the work... I thought that statement at the time was genius and there are days I still think it is but where are we really without the guide??? oh i dunno...

Today is just one of those days where I'm trying to weigh so much...

Think I've said enough... I'll just keep the rest to myself.

I know exactly what I have to do to get to where I know I should be... You do too... See you there!

 

Colour vs Color

Note to reader: Please excuse my tendency to rant.

Having been exposed to different educational systems and being raised in three countries, two of which are among leading continents in the world... it gets to a point where I have to ask myself, does being politically correct  ALL of the time really matter?  I mean should it matter...

I am fortunate to have experienced both the British and American educational systems but does spelling apologise with an, “s” opposed to a, “z” really matter... It baffles me sometimes.

I, for one, am always being challenged depending on where I am in the world to remember the differences, to constantly adapt so as not to offend anyone but to also not appear to be clueless, ignorant or misinformed...  and let me assure you that I am far from any of those attributes.  I am one of the most cultivated, cultured, educated and enlightened individuals you’d ever meet in your life and that’s not to toot my own horn, it’s truth.

Though it does make me feel a head above the rest when I’m in London to say... no, color is spelt with a u as in colour... both have the same definition.

Here’s what gets me... Why is Leicester pronounced Lester?  And if Leicester existed before Lester why was it changed or shortened?  Why couldn’t it be standard across the board? 

I’m sure there are many theories that would lend itself to my questions... but I just needed to put it out there...

As you were...

I am not crazy…

I’ve been contemplating whether to share this ‘thing’ that I’ve caught myself doing a couple of times…  Well… it’s happened more than a couple of times but it recently dawned on me that I’m a regular in that department…  Is it just me?  Am I the only person who visits this area?  I know you are probably thinking what is she going on about…but I’m talking about the place in our minds where we can be free to say what we want and do as we wish… Think…think… think… Ahaaaa…. Mmm Hmm it’s sinking in isn’t it?

I have been there quite a number of times and although it sounds crazy and makes me feel a bit deranged once I’ve realized just what I’ve been doing or actually thinking… it does feel quite good to release… but is the seepage in my mind healthy?

So without having to make myself look any more delirious by not being direct, here goes the truth… I literally have visions or thoughts of scenarios in my mind that have never taken place in the real world.

Here’s an example…  I have this co-worker who absolutely does my head in and often times I don’t exactly say to him what is truthfully on my mind because of course I always have to be diplomatic about things… but then I go home and while I’m preparing to relax, a scenario unfolds in my mind of how I express my disdain for this person and their attitude towards me and our profession. Then the most fascinating thing happens, my coworker responds and tries to defend himself… This goes on for quite a while until I reach the point where I realize that I’m controlling what the person says and how they respond… Then it all dissipates and I think you are one crazy chick you know that! Nonetheless, it really does feel good to express myself with such strength and boldness while remaining poised.  The sad thing about it is it almost never happens in reality.

But without laughing at myself too much… I do think there’s some serious psychological stuff happening here…

If you are like me and you visit this department more than twice a day, you’ve got serious communication issues going on… and that is the truth.  The good thing is, I’m aware of this truth in my own life and I'm finding different, creative ways as outlets.

There are things I’d like to say but sometimes I find it difficult to.  It’s not that I can’t, I just don’t like hurting other people’s feelings and so I think its better that I don’t say anything at all.  But am I actually hurting myself by not saying anything?? Keeping things pent up inside can’t be healthy.  I’m a firm believer that imprisoned thoughts play a significant role in the manifestation of physical illnesses presenting themselves as dis-eases on the body.  So what can I do to maintain a healthy mind???

Here are a few things I already do… I write out my feelings.  Writing is to me what a blank canvas was to Picasso.  Writing how I feel rather than saying it is extremely therapeutic… but… how many times will I be presented with the opportunity to respond to something by writing?  Writing may not help with an immediate situation but if it’s a long-standing heartache… I think writing is a perfect solution to healing that heart of yours.

Just say it no matter how hard you think it may be... You’ll actually feel empowered once you do and if you want to be diplomatic about things, start off by saying, “You know, I’d like to respectfully add my two cents to this….” And then add five cents.  People may not like what you have to say, however they won’t have a choice but to respect your opinion or thought once it’s the truth… and like my coworker, they’ll probably try to argue with you but that’s okay.  What is most important is that you released your thoughts out of your being… You didn’t dump it onto your brain to fester.

I will add though a side note of caution… Be aware of the times when you choose not to express yourself and to whom. I think that is really important.  Ask yourself why and what is it about that person that makes it hard for you to communicate with them.

I think my coworker is an idiot to say the least and while I don’t want to just say, “Hey you’re an idiot!” I do want to have one of those conversations where I can express myself to him in a loving and clever way that doesn’t offend him but still says you’re an idiot…  Doing that means, I got my point across in a tactful manner, having not raised my voice to validate my ego, or gotten emotional but by having improved my argument and that is key.

By the way, I am no therapist, I’m just a work in progress and this is one of the areas in my life that I’d like to master.

I am capable of expressing myself in a loving way even to people who I think are idiots!

To concentrate or not to...

This is all starting to become very clear to me…  and by the time I’m done ranting I think you might agree with me.  If I make a decision to focus my efforts on something, say eating healthy…it starts out great, a lot of effort goes into it, then something happens and poof just like that my focus shifts… but…because I know I need to eat healthy,  along the way something happens, I have a thought… and without any effort or pressure voila! I do it with relative ease. Allow me...

Before the end of 2012, I made a conscious decision to cleanse and purge my self, for health and spiritual reasons.  It was my way of releasing all the pains and hurts I experienced throughout the year and making a conscious effort to start the New Year off healthy along with mental clarity.  I purged in November and began making healthy food choices.  Pork, chicken and whatever little beef I was still eating was cut out completely and replaced with lots of vegetables, beans and fish.  While the benefits of eating healthy became apparent in my attitude and waistline, it wasn’t long before I became bored with consuming fish… Frustrated I went back to eating chicken… and rice… and… you can imagine what else…

Fast forward to over the past two weeks -- I’ve noticed a paradigm shift in the way I think.  Automatically, without any consideration, my choices regarding food have just naturally been healthier.  I even made a salad one evening after work!! OMG you say! I was pleasantly surprised myself… and that’s what led me to this thought…  Is it better to concentrate or not to?  I have found that concentration sometimes requires an insurmountable amount of energy so why not use that energy for something taxing and just go with the flow of life for others.

If the thought naturally arrives and the body just surrenders without a fight can a lack of motivation, procrastination and being irresolute become nonexistent in our everyday lives?  I think so! Just as long as the thought that arrives naturally isn’t to afflict pain on someone but to improve your being.

I am capable of making loving choices that benefit me.